Deconstructing Just Ray

Weapons of Choice
1. Marlboro Lights
2. Vitamin Water XXX
3. no snacks cuz the san marcos pad has no food


Non existent Interviewer: Long time no blog Just Ray, what have you been doing while on your long vacation from a post from you has been long overdue.

Just Ray: well i've pretty much been just letting myself go and getting fat over the winterbreak

non existent interviewer: SICK!

Well the reality is that I've been caught up in new shiet that I've been getting into the past month or so. One would call it the "Renewal of Ray" (coined by candice garcia). Really though I've been trying to live out my Pro Mob lifestyle of positivity and hustling the system A.K.A. LIFE. Now in no way have I somehow accomplished enlightenment in the short amount time that has gone by, but i am trying to make definite changes in the way I carry myself. I really do feel a lot more content with my life recently, with my recent involvement in KAMP, (kuya/ate mentorship program) a weak yet fulfilling performance at the ELEVATED open mic, and a overall feeling of independence. I've hardly been working lately, but that will change as soon as school starts because the money is definitely more of a necessity during the semester. Besides being involved in the community is gearing me more towards what I want to achieve in life than slanging breadsticks and cleaning other peoples shiet at P & O's for 8 bucks an hour.

Going back to independence by no means am I grown up or some shiet like that, but I feel like I can do a lot more on my own now. Typically I have a tendency of looking to other people to help me get through the day, but lately I've been content doing shiet by myself. I found that I can entertain myself for quite a long time now without having to call someone to hang out with me.

Here are a couple of new things i'm trying to start up:
1. Barnes & Noble once a week to browse around for books to read and building a collection for myself.
2. Performing at least twice a month at ELEVATED 's open mic or any open mic around SD.
3. Staying active in KAMP by attending as many meetings as possible as well as help teach at Mira mesa high school every last friday of the month.
4. Carry around a journal of some sort and writing in it at least once a day.
5. Posting on Poetry, Cigs, and BS at least once a week as well as keeping up with Coolest Kids In the Room posts.
6. Make it through this semester and get off AP
7. Concentrate more on substance rather than physical appearance.

Although I would love to put "Cut Down" or "quit" smoking cigarettes, but that might be next to impossible given the amount that I may be putting on my plate this semester. As for number 7 on the list I basically want to go back to scrub ray from 06. Growing out the hairpiece again and not shaving for a couple months. As far as the relevance between substance and bum ray I can't say that I really have a good reason for it other than I just want to. In someways you can look at it as some kind of sociological experiment, to see if my personality can make up or outshine the fact that I might look highly unattractive. Now I'm sure to some it just sounds like I'm just simply letting myself go, but its not that at all. It is more of a way of freeing myself. Freeing myself from hair gel, my bi weekly haircuts, shaving every day, and pretty much just giving a damn about how I might look to other people. Although growing out my facial hair or the lack there of might be futile because I can grow about as much hair on my face as a 10 year old asian girl. I guess it's just the thought that counts... As far as how long I'm trying to keep this up is still undetermined.

Despite the scrubiness I decided to start up exercising again just to be able to keep up with myself. Lately I really have been feeling how unhealthy I am. Forget the cigarettes, at the moment I am more concerned with the sack of fat i carry around everyday AKA my stomach. In someways I guess you could say I'm trying to go back to 05-06 ray you know homeless lookin.

This guy



As much as I like talking about myself I think it's time to move on to something else.

So I just want to share a book that i bought at Barnes today.

Part Asian 100% Hapa
by kip fulbeck



Since I seem to have strong visual receptors this book caught my eye in the "ASIAN" section at Barnes & Noble. Maybe one of the reasons I bought it was because their was hardly any texts and half the book is just photos. After skimming the content of the book I suddenly felt good about myself. It basically is set up to where every page has a photo of a person considered a Hapa from the collar bone up and on the left side of the photo is their ethnic background and a short answer written by the models explaining what or who they are. The way it is set-up is very creative yet simple and heartfelt. Their really isn't a way to promote this book any more than i already have so I suggest just checking it out next time you feel like stimulating your mind and going to Barnes.

Poem

My Infatuations With Mixed Women

I may speak about brown pride
And claim it with fierce admiration,



Yet it's almost hypocritical
The following statement

That I love mixed women

Like political closed minded upper-class
Businessmen that argue strong family values

While fucking STD having, holes in their
Fishnet stockings wearing
"Hey honey looking for a good time" speaking
Street corner hookers

It's contradicting

Well maybe not to that great of an extreme,
But I think you see my point

It's just that I can't…help myself
And don't get me wrong
It isn't anything to do with
Me not appreciating every other beauty

Theirs just something about their mixed feature's
That has me drooling in their presence
I can't help, but want to make these women moan
It's just that I see the future when I look at them girl's skin tones

They are unknowingly apart of a movement towards equality
Being one step closer than some of the rest of us

It's simple really how can their be racism
If everyone has every race in them

I can't help, but see the history and culture when
Gazing in these beautiful women's eyes
Whether they be brown, hazel, green, or blue
The color is more or less insignificant

Now don't be mistaken, I don't have a thing for light skinned women
I just love mixed women

Although some may not completely be in touch
With every bit of their culture

It's just that one day their children or grandchildren will be forced too
Because in school they'll no longer only teach us about

Western civilizations
Or one chapter on Native American migration

We will be forced to learn holistically
Because our descendants will one day be one
Similar race

Where we won't simply be able to look each other over
And judge their origins by skin tone or features on their face

It will be so deep rooted and imbedded in our skin
That every person would just have to appreciate each other

For whom they are inside
All due to mixed women

It gives me somewhat a sign of hope
When I look these females up and down


I can't help but want to throw rose petals on
The ground, they walk on

Because it's similar to the ..
I would never mind close relations

And I mean real close relations

I don't expect you to understand
everything that I am saying

Just understand this…

I want to appreciate everything about this movement
And be as close as possible to the future

So I'll happily take one for the team and pop shiet off
With my hands placed gently on a women's hips

A Lesson learned whether you do or don't get this metaphorical shiet

I just want to embrace the future then
Make it official and break these racial barriers
between our lips